"President Bush called Arnold to
congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought
my English was bad.'" —Jay Leno
"Maria Shriver is credited with helping
Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand
by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek." —Craig
Kilborn
"How many people saw Arnold's speech last
night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last
trial." —David Letterman
"Six women have come forward that say
Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be
a hands-on governor." —Jay Leno
New rule: No do-overs. Once you elect an official, unless he runs off with
public funds or gets caught with kiddie porn, you're stuck with him.
He's the governor, not some dude you married in Vegas.
What's going on here in California, if you're lucky enough to not have been
following this, is that the economy turned, so we're getting rid of the
governor. But what if we drive him out of office and the economy still doesn't
get better? I guess we'll have to burn him. And if that doesn't work, we'll kill
his dog. -- Bill Maher
"You all know who Mary Carey is? She's the
porn star who's running for governor, and she has this Web site where she does
naked jumping jacks. You know, I think I speak to most guys when I say, 'Yeah,
that's all well and good, but where does she stand on the issues?' ... Actually,
Carey said today she's offered to debate six guys, all at the same time."
—Jay Leno
"Cruz Bustamante said he is going to
cooperate with Arnold, his theory is, 'if you can't lick 'em, join 'em.' And
Mary Carey's is 'if you can't join 'em, lick 'em.'" —Jay Leno
"Mary Carey, the porn star candidate, she
says she will raise money in L. A. by taxing breast implants. She says that any
L.A. women with natural breasts will be tax- exempt. See, I like that, she's
reaching out to minorities." —Jay Leno
"One of the candidates, adult film actress
Mary Carey said if she doesn't win the recall vote she will go back to making
porno films. Even more disturbing, Gary Coleman said the same thing."
—Conan O'Brien
"Have you heard of this porn star named
Mary Carey who is running for governor? Carey is running on a platform of
taxing breast implants, which, of course, are California's largest natural
resource." —Jay Leno
"Hustler publisher
Larry Flynt and adult film star Mary Carey, they're also running. See you know
what bothers me about the two of them? See, this could split the all-important
porn vote." —Jay Leno
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