Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.
Q: Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
A: They like to "go" first class!
Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!
Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patty O'furniture!
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor.
Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
A:St. O'Claus!
Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A:Sure, they're green with envy!
Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
A:The Halfback of Notre Dame!
Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A:To keep from falling in the stew!
Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
A:Sure, they're great at shorthand!
Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A:He took a shortcut!
Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A:Short ribs!
Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A:Because they're very short-tempered!
"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."
"Oh, really?"
"No, O'Reilly!"
Q: What is out on the lawn all summer and is Irish?
A: Paddy O'Furniture
Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A: A sham rock
Q: Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day?
A: Because they're always wearing green
Q: When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?
A: When it's a FRENCH fry!
Q: What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A: Some poor horse is going barefoot!
Q: Why did the elephant wear his green sneakers instead of his red ones?
A: The red ones were in the wash!
Q: Why is a river rich?
A: Because it has two banks
Q: What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A: A Jolly Green Giant
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irish!
A: Irish Who?
A: Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!
Q: What is Barney's favorite thing on St. Patricks day?
A: A BLARNEY stone!
Q: What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A: A sham rock
Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn't afford plane fare
Q: Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover?
A: I haven't either!
Q: Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers?
A: They need all the luck they can get!
Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?
A: He gets wet!
Q: What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?
A: A leper con
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