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Halloween One-Liner Jokes




Q: How do you scare people in Detroit, Michigan?
A: By re-running the 2006 World Series!

Q: What do Hillbillies do for Halloween?
A: Pump-Kin

Q: What does Marc Foley call Halloween (holiday where kids come to your door and ask for candy)?
A: Speed Dating

Q: How is George Bush going to scare us on Halloween?
A: By dressing us as Dick Cheney with hunting gear!

Q: What did the Dracula say to his teacher?
A: See you next Period!

Q: How do you spot a red neck on Halloween?
A: He is wearing a Confederate uniform and gives the kids a bottle of Budweiser.

Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
A: They get a better grip on their brooms.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't Have the guts!

Q: Why don't monsters eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.

Q: Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
A: Because he's a pain in the neck...

Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: Bone Appetit

Q: What is a vampire's favorite type of fruit?
A: A nectarine!

Q: What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
A: I'll have two beers and a mop...

Q: Why can't skeletons play music in church?
A: Because they have no organs...

Q: Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?
A: Napoleon Boneaparte...

Q: Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?
A: They couldn't find their bats...

Q: What do ghosts serve for dessert?
A: Ice Scream

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi...

Q: Why do witches fly on brooms?
A: Vacuum Cleaner cords aren't long enough!

Q: What was the witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite...

Q: Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy

Q: How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
A: With scare spray...

Q: What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A: A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they eat the fingers separately...

Q: Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
A: Because they don't have any body to go out with...

Q: Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
A: He couldn't find any dloob...

Q: What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
A: Booberries...

Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.

Q: What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
A: Peekaboo...

Q: Why did the ghost pick his nose?
A: Because he had boogers...

Q: What is a vampire's favorite sport?
A: Casketball...

Q: What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
A: Boojeans...

Q: What does a child monster call his parents?
A: Mummy and Deady...

Q: Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
A: At bootiques...

Q: What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
A: Sleeping booty...

Q: Why did the skeleton climb a tree?
A: Because a dog was after its bones...

Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving...

Q: What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
A: Shrinkenstein...

Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A: "Do you believe in people?"

Q: What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A: A cereal killer...

Q: Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
A: They're so wrapped up in themselves...

Q: What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
A: Dead ends...

Q: What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A: A pumpkin patch...

Q: Where do ghosts go swimming?
A: The dead sea...

Q: What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
A: Fasten your sheet belts...

Q: What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel...

Q: What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A scareplane...

Q: What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
A: Bloodhounds...

Q: What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
A: Lemon-slime...

Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich...

Q: What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A: A trombone...

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween night?
A: Tweets...

Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
A: They have bat breath...

Q: What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A: A guy with very high blood pressure...

Q: Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
A: He heard it had great circulation...

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His ghoul friend

Q: What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs

Q: What kind of roads do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead Ends




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