"Yasser Arafat died earlier
this week in Paris. And in lieu of flowers the Arafat family asked that everyone
just throw rocks." --Jay Leno
"Egypt now says they will no
longer recognize Israel. Well of course they don't recognize Israel, people keep
blowing it up." —Jay Leno
"Yasser Arafat died last
night. And this time it looks pretty permanent. How many times did he die this
week? Like five? Six? He was turning into Kenny on 'South Park.'" —Jay
Leno
"President Bush is in the Middle East this
week to promote his Middle East peace plan. I don't think Bush quite gets it.
Like today he said, 'Everything would work out in the Middle East if the
Palestinians and the Israelis would just start acting like good
Christians.'" —Jay Leno
"Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon has
cancelled his visit to the United States to meet with President Bush. You see
that's when you know that the situation in the Middle East is bad, when the
Israelis are worried that being seen with us will hurt their situation with the
Arabs." —Jay Leno
"Positive news from President Bush: Both
sides of the Middle East are signing off on his road map to peace. The bad news
is the Israelis think the road goes through the West Bank, Palestinians think it
goes right through downtown Jerusalem." —Jay Leno
"An Israeli man's life was saved when he
was given a Palestinian man's heart in a heart transplant operation. The guy is
doing fine, but the bad news is, he can't stop throwing rocks at himself."
—Jay Leno
"The Democrats said today that if they
were in power they could get Israel to pull out of Palestine. Oh shut up. They
couldn't even get Bill to pull out of Monica." —Jay Leno
"After weeks of pleading from the United
States, on Saturday Yasser Arafat finally condemned violence and terrorism in
the Middle East. Nothing like a tank coming through your front door to make you
change your mind." —Jay Leno
"Colin Powell's (Middle East) mission was
somewhat a success. He came back alive." —Jay Leno
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