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Dirty One Liner Jokes




Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: What is Moby Dick's dad's name?
A: Papa Boner

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog!

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Mever bin laid on

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis

Q.When do you kick a dwafe inthe balls?
A.When he is standing next to your miss telling her her hair smells nice

Q:Why did Tigger lok in the toilet?
A:Because he was looking for Pooh

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?

Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
Three feet of my cock up your ass.

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.

What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off

Q:Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
A:The grass tickles their balls

Q:What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?
A:They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
A: Her navel.

Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens!

Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: How do you tell if a chick is to fat to fuck ?
A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What do u call a bunny with a bent dick?
A: FUCKS FUNNY

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Q: What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p?
A: ........... a shit (think about it)

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.

Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
A: They both only change their pads after every third period!

Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower?
A: Slick her hair back she looks 15..

Q: After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
A: She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice."

Q: What’s black, white, and red all over and doesn’t fit through a revolving door?
A: A nun with a spear through her head.

Q: Why are pubic Hairs so curly?
A: So they don’t poke her eye out.

Q. What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass?
A: Because they’ve got big mouths and little dicks.

Q: Whats long hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine


Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?
A: A Crane!


Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives
A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking.

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!

Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.

Q: What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
A: A rape victim

Q: Whats silver, sits at the end of your bed and takes the piss out of you?
A: A kidney dialysis machine.

Q: Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
A: Because she had no arms.

Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?
A: Line dancing at a nusing home.

Q: What is the square root of 69?
A: Ate something

Q: But do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q: What's the difference between a police car and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside

Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common?
A: The more you play with it the harder it gets.

Q: What's blue and fucks grannys?
A: Hypothermia

Q: Whats the difference between lust, love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargaling

Q: How do you know when the vegitables are boiled?
A: The wheelchairs float to the top.

Q: What do you called an anorexic bitch with yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

Q: How is anal sex like a microwave?
A: Both can brown your meat without cooking it.

Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: She choked

A recent survey shows that sperm banks beat blood banks in contributions...HANDS DOWN!

Your moms like a old cooker any old nob can turn her on

If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting? you choose.

Q: what did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water?
A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.



Q: Why was frosty the snowman so happy?
A: The snow blower was 10 inches away


A boy wrote to santa can i have a baby brother.
Santa Wrote Back Send Me Ur mother


Q: What does the toothbrush say to the hair brush.
A: I get more head than you


A penis says to his balls, "Get ready we're going to a party."
His balls say, "Fucken liar, you always go inside and leave me knocking outside."


Q: how do you get a fat woman into bed?
A: piece of cake!

Q: Why did the mean boys call the girl train tracks?
A: Because they always running trains on her...





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